Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
