I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
