i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
then he tried to convert me to islam
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
