how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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