i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
