I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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