they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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