Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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