she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
