So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
