I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
