you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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