at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
