Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
