You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
