There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
