I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
