Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
