Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
