Apparently you make a good broom.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
