Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
