College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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