he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
