I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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