When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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