so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
