I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
