he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
