Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
