garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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