it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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