I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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