He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
