I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
