its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
