Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
