so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
