someone threw a dead crab at me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
