I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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