Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
