Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
