Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
