i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
