Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
