....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
