Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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