I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think your dad took our porno
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
