I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
