I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
