Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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