proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
