And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
