Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
