we have officially lost it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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