Are we in a gay sports bar?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
