my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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